Early Childhood Friendships

During the preschool years, play provides positive social encounters and increasing amounts of cooperative activity, which are the foundations of friendship. Aggressive behavior increases between ages 2 and 4 but then declines. Rules and social roles become increasingly important, and sex differences in social activities become more obvious. The stability of friendships also increases as children approach school age, and girls seem to develop more intense relationships with a few other children than do boys, who scatter their affection across a larger number of youngsters.
During his second year your toddler will develop a very specific image of his social world, friends and acquaintances. He is at its center, and while you may be close at hand, he is most concerned about where things are in relation to himself. He knows that other people exist, and they vaguely interest him, but he has no idea how they think or what they feel. As far as he's concerned, everyone thinks as he does.
His view of the world (technically, some experts call it egocentric or self-centered) often makes it difficult for him to play with other children in a truly social sense. He'll play alongside and compete for toys, but he doesn't easily play cooperative games. He'll enjoy watching and being around other children, especially if they're slightly older. He may imitate them or treat them the way he does dolls - for example, trying to brush their hair - but he's usually surprised and resists when they try to do the same thing to him. He may offer them toys or things to eat, but may get upset if they respond by taking what he's offered them. At age 3, your child will be much less selfish than he was at 2. Now he'll actually play with other children, interacting instead of just playing side by side. In the process, he'll recognize that not everyone thinks exactly as he does, and that each of his playmates has many unique qualities, some attractive and some not. You'll also find him drifting toward certain children and starting to develop friendships with them. As he creates these friendships, he'll discover that he, too, has special qualities that make him likable - a revelation that will give a vital boost to his self-esteem.

Excerpted from "Caring for Your School-Age Child: Ages 5-12" Bantam 1999
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